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4 Issues You Will Encounter When Leading an Illness Support Group

By: Lisa Copen

After weeks, or even months, of planning for your support group, the time for your first meeting has finally arrived. You have prepared a proposal to start up a support group which has been approved by an organization or church. You have gathered items for a welcome package and have topic or speakers ready to go.

So, does this mean that your illness support group meeting will run without a hitch? Unfortunately, despite all of your hard work, there are a few frustrations that you will likely encounter during those first few meetings. They are worth being aware of so that you are prepared in advance.

(1) Only a couple of people attend.

How it feels: Disappointing. After all the work you put into it, not to mention the passion you feel about doing this, it seems like such a wasted to just have one or two people show up. Understand that this can be typical, especially at first, when everyone feels a bit intimidated. Try not to take it personally. To be honest, you are fighting an uphill battle in getting people to attend a chronic illness support group, because when people feel ill, they usually want to stay home, not go out and socialist. But when they are feeling well, they'd prefer to do something more fun then sit around and talk about their illness.

What to do: A good motto is "Hope for the best and prepare for the few." HopeKeepers is a Christian small group program that serves the chronically ill, and their founder says, "Although it's discouraging when just a couple of people come, we try to concentrate on the fact that God planned that specific meeting. Once I had just one person come to my group and I was bummed out, but we ended up having the best conversation. Later she said that she was terribly shy and probably wouldn't have even spoken if others had attended the meeting."

Also, keep an outline of your lesson, and even include what kinds of topics people shared. This way you can easily "repeat" the meeting with little preparation as a follow up. You may want to call people and, without pressuring them, ask if there is anything that you can do to make it easier for them to attend. Do they need a ride? What is typically a good time of day for a meeting?

(2) No one wants to follow your lesson plan.

How it feels: As though your ideas aren't interesting or inspiring enough to keep their attention. It can also feel as though no one appreciates all of the time you spent in preparation.

What to do: Allocate more than usual flexibility in your timeline at first and then add in more structure as the group meets and you begin to see how it flows. It's most likely that people are so excited to meet one another who understand what they experience living with daily chronic pain, that they just want to talk. You've provided a forum where the floodgates of pent up emotions are sure to spill over as soon as they realize they are allowed to be honest and vulnerable. It's impossible to hold up a book and point people back toward your lesson plan when one of the members is sobbing over her daughter who has told her mom her illness is "all in your head" and until she gets over it they are done. This type of situation can occur at any meeting, but it may be more frequent during the first month.

Talk openly with the group about your desire to have plenty of time available for people to share, but that you also want everyone to leave the meeting feeling refreshed. Regardless of what occurs during the meeting, you will be ending the time together with an inspiring article, scripture, poem, prayer, devotional, etc.

(3) Everyone complains! About relationships, medical professionals, their illness-everything!

How it feels: Sometimes, like you are surviving a small mutiny. You will find many emotions that have not been expressed until now. People have deep wounds about things people have said to them or how they've treated them; unjust consequences due to their illness; perhaps even medical errors. It may feel like they want you to fix the chaos or else they will talk incessantly about it until you do.

What to do: Write up some guidelines, before your first meeting if possible, and include the "venting guidelines." Read "10 Ways to Make Your Illness Support Group Uplifting." One practical tool is to set a timer and allow everyone to have 60 seconds to share their most frustrating experience of the week. Brainstorm about a contest your group could have that would bring some humor to the venting. For example, the person who handled their irksome situation the best or most creatively could win the "Aggravated the Alligator (a rubber alligator) Award" to take home for the week.

Don't forget to include others in the conversation. For example, say, "Jane, some of us can really relate to what you are feeling. Is there someone here who would like to share how she or he has dealt with these emotions?" If you are doing a lesson plan, say, "Since I want to get you all out of here on time, lets move on to question six, and if someone has some encouragement for Jane, they can share that with her after our meeting." (Make sue that someone is you if no one else steps forward.)

(4) One person dominates the conversation and seems to take over the meetings, disregarding any plans you have or other's need to talk.

How it feels: Infuriating! After all your preparation it can be annoying to have someone override your entire meeting and take the group down a path that lacks the encouragement you want to provide. You justifiably could be concerned about her impact on the group and how many people she could scare away.

What to do: Set boundaries at the beginning. While it's vital that people are allowed to communicate their disappointments, it's important that they also respect group members. They must watch their language, be aware of the amount of time they are talking, be respectful in the decisions others make about their medical treatments and more.

Put together some simple guidelines at the beginning that you hand out to new members in a welcome folder. Then if the person dominating the meetings doesn't get your hints, speak with her privately. You may also want to put her in charge of a certain part of the meeting so she can have a designated time to talk and be in a leadership position. When situations like this occur, people can be gently reminded of the guidelines they received when they first joined the group. It won't feel quite as personal as you correcting their behavior.

In conclusion, understand that leading an illness support group is not the uncomplicated task it is often assumed to be. Sometimes we think of it as simply letting people know when you're getting together to share and support one another, loads of people show up, and everyone's personalities click perfectly. Don't be alarmed if it doesn't work this way.

It takes a special person who can effectively communicate with people to lead a support group. A facilitator must be able to gently guide people in the path you wish them to go, so that the group makes a positive emotional impact, rather than becoming a complaint forum. A leader be compassionate, but also able to set boundaries or diffuse anger. As circumstances arise, ask other leaders for ideas and support. And most of all, remember that no leader ever feels one-hundred percent capable. Having a willingness to learn and listen are some of the top leadership qualities in which to invest.

Article Source: Main Articles

Instant download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen when you subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness

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