Quotes to Make You Laugh

People say some pretty funny things. Sometimes it is meticulously planned out by a comedian. Other times, it is our President mangling the English language. Either way, the following should make you crack up.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

2. Paul Ehrlich - To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

3. Steven Wright - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

4. Jay Leno - Dick Cheney says he loves California - out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "Insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

5. Dave Attell - You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike

6. Steven Wright - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

7. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

8. George Bush - Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.

9. Jay Leno - Researchers have found that oral sex among teenagers has doubled in the last ten years. So who says there is no lasting Clinton legacy.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

11. Winston Churchill - A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

12. Dave Attell - You ever get drunk and pass out... or as I call it 'time travel'?

13. George Bush - The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.

14. Rodney Dangerfield - I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

15. Rodney Dangerfield - My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Life can be serious, but don’t put too much stock in the pressures of the moment. Tomorrow is a new day and somewhere, somehow, someone will say something hilarious.

Article Source: Main Articles

Read short funny quotes at FunnyQuotesDaily.com. Updated each and every day!
Click here to get your own unique version of this article from the Unique Articles Submissions Service

This article may be reproduced wholly or in part without written permission provided the byline, resource area, and any hyperlinks remain in order to give proper credit to the author.

Internet search engines and directory listings are imperative to your sites existence and success. Submit Your Website to the Searchen Networks directory and search engine to achieve authoritive inbound links.

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5