The Downfalls of But

I really like you, but. . .

I agree with you, but. . .

You look great in that dress, but. . .

What do you think of these three prior sentences? Do you get the feeling that whatever might be coming next isn't going to be very good?

Learning to have a precision with language is one of the most important aspects of persuasion. The big 'but' is a negator which will cost you persuasive power.

The word 'but' weakens your ability to be persuasive. This applies to print, in conversations, in e-mails, letters--in all forms of conversation. It's a tiny and very dangerous word.

How does 'but' hurt you? Well, let's take the examples above. Have you ever had a romantic interest say to you, 'You know, I really like you a lot, but. . .'? What usually comes next? Well, how about, '. . .but I really just want to be friends.' Yikes! Or I'm sure we've all heard this at least once, '. . . but I'm just not ready to be in a relationship.' Ouch!

Then there's, 'I agree with you, but. . .' But what? 'But I still think I'm right.'

The use of 'but' in the sentence negated everything that came before it. What is 'I agree with you, but. . . ' really saying? It's saying, 'I don't agree with you.'

But has the added deficiency of making you sound indecisive or wishy washy. It takes away the power of what you're saying and lessens your authority, exposing weakness in your conviction.

Especially when persuading the affluent, we have to avoid the appearance of indecisiveness. hat's more persuasive--using negating words like 'but', or a more solid statement like, 'I don't agree with you, and here's why'?

Pay attention to others when they use the word 'but'. It may feel like they're not telling you the whole truth, like there is something they've neglected to express. You might get the idea that something else is wrong. 'What else am I not aware of?' Our brains automatically perform something called a trans-dierivational search (TDS) in order to search for what's wrong. We actually attempt to read the mind of the person we think is leaving out information. This usually leaves us assuming they disagree with us. This is the very opposite of rapport.

Not too long ago I noticed a big but. A young starlet was being interviewed before she went to jail. Her sentences were filled with incongruency. At one point where she said (and I'm paraphrasing), 'Well, I feel really bad about what I've done and I'm ready to face the consequences of my actions, but' and then she just trailed off.

But? But what? 'But, I'm beautiful, spoiled, privileged, entitled and I can do whatever I want'? 'But bite me. I'll do whatever I please with no consequences'? See? That's where my TDI search went. I filled in her blank with my own mind reading abilities. I'd wager I'm not too far off on this one.

One of the great secrets to persuasion is reading between the lines. What people say is what they mean. 'But' is a perfect example of this. Listening to what people say is your job. Take a moment to distinguish the actual words and you'll likely be surprised at what they are really saying.

There's a really easy way to eliminate 'but' and regain your persuasive power. Simply replace it with 'and'.

Instead of, 'I agree with you, but I still think I'm right.' Try, 'I agree with you and I still think I'm right.' Instead of, 'I really want to hire you, but we can't afford what you're asking.' Try, 'I really want to hire you, and we can't afford what you're asking.'

Notice how this gives you more credibility when speaking to others. The more congruency you have in your communication and the fewer contradictions you make, the more successful you will be in persuading others.

Article Source: Main Articles

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of wealthy clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

This article may be reproduced wholly or in part without written permission provided the byline, resource area, and any hyperlinks remain in order to give proper credit to the author.

Internet search engines and directory listings are imperative to your sites existence and success. Submit Your Website to the Searchen Networks directory and search engine to achieve authoritive inbound links.

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5