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The Seven Stages of Parenthood

By: Dr. Noel Swanson

Stage 1: The Desire and the Longing

The first stage of parenthood begins when the desire for having a baby is born in the heart of one or both the parents. In most cases, it is the woman whose maternal instinct begins to assert itself. Women don’t feel complete until they become mothers. So, when the biological clock starts ticking, you decide to take the step of ‘making babies.’

Stage 2: Conception and Birth

The missed period - am I, aren't I? Soon confirmed by the morning trips to the bathroom to meet with you new acquaintances Ralph and Huey. But it is all worth it when you feel that first flutter - was that a kick? Was that his, you-know, on the ultrasound?

A few months later and you know all about those kicks - and the elbows. Plus backache, piles, swollen ankles, varicose veins - who was responsible for getting you into this state????

Then comes the D-Day! You had been preparing for it for nine months yet the severity of it hits you unawares. You flinch, twitch and scream your guts out. You swear you will never let this happen to you again. Suddenly, it’s over and an entirely new feeling envelopes you. You are on top of the world! A complete being has come through you!

Phase 3: A first time for everything

You go through an entirely new experience when you bring the baby home. The first few days/weeks are marked by sleepless nights, sore nipples, running around to get things done and dieting to lose all those extra pounds.

First time: sitting, crawling, standing, walking. First word, First solid food. First potty. First full blown, lie-on-the-floor-and-kick-the-feet tantrum. Each a major achievement to celebrate.

Nursery rhymes and pat-a-cake - crucial for child development but, all too often these days, delegated to the TV.

First kindergarten or school: a mixed blessing. Where did my baby go?

Phase 4 Playgrounds, parties and alphabets.

The tiny cuddly baby of yours is now ready to go school independently. Now she has another world of friends, peers and teachers. You sometimes regret you have been left out of it. But, you rejoice the fact that your little helpless baby is growing into a confident young lady.

You may not find her jokes very funny.

Their first best friend, and first rejection. Scraped knees in the playground. And, of course, their first "it's not fair!"

For a parent, it is a test of nerves to let them go, but you have to do that anyway. So, the sooner the better.

Phase 5 - Reading, Riting and Rithmatic

Then comes the stage of serious schooling. Your child has to learn the basic skills of reading, writing and arithmetic. This may be fun and games for her or as difficult as scaling mountains. Whatever it is, you have to be patient and helpful, encouraging her at every little achievement. These are natural differences and should not worry you unnecessarily.

Even so, there are always the little events to remember - All she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth (along with Barbie and a puppy dog!)

This is the time to teach discipline to your child because he is no longer a little baby.

Act 6 - Pre-teens and Puberty

Now, the difference between girls and boys becomes apparent. They all go through the phase of discovering changes in their body yet girls will be giggly and boys more cool.

This is the stage when parents know nothing about the ‘in things’, be it in clothes, fashion or styles.

Language. Well cool.

You help your little girl try on her first bra, and handle her first period. You allow her to choose her lipstick and do her make up. You help your son go through the stage of awkward limbs and a squeaky voice that breaks. You help him choose the anti-perspirant and shaving kit.

Stage 7 – Dates and Parties

Suddenly boys and girls are not so alien after all. Does (s)he fancy me?

Suddenly too, your precious child, whom you taught everything, knows more than you. In fact, you apparently, know nothing, and they knows everything!

It’s friends who matter and your relevance takes the back seat. There will be conflict of opinion; don’t lose your cool. And, above all, don’t recount what you’ve done for her. Be patient and pleasant. Be firm but try and understand her point of view and help her deal with peer pressure.

But, every now and then, you can have an amazing conversation with your new young adult - as long as you aren't trying to lecture them.

Then, one day, the fireworks settle. The grunts turn into English again and like a phoenix from the ashes, and new (adult) human emerges - full of ideals and dreams and visions, but perhaps a bit short on confidence and wisdom.

Epilogue: Go, Went, Gone

All these years of parenthood had become a habit. You went through each phase happily and not-so-happily, but your life revolved around them. Then, one day, they’re gone! But, you still worry and hope for them.

"I'll love you, forever. I'll like you, for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be" - Robert Munsch

Time flies. Live every moment as though it is the only one. Enjoy your baby all along the way.

Article Source: Main Articles

Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free expert parenting help - just sign up for his newsletter and get a free chapter of his book, The GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum?
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